I guess my physical condition must be getting better. Even after skipping several kendo practices, last night's didn't exhaust me as much, and it doesn't hurt so much in the morning after. Not so much anyway...

Even if sensei said that us novices would stop using the full armor to concentrate on the basic techniques, we are still donning them and beating at each other. Which is fun, I must admit.

Well, the point is that last night I was paired of against the sense. I finally got the first-hand experience of a "flurry of blows"; the man is fast. However, I did manage to score a point when he raised his shinai to attack and I struck to his midsection. Surprised even me :)

I hadn't written this because my mind has been wandering and distracted; and not precisely because I was doing three things at once, as I usually do. Actually I didn't accomplish a thing except finding and downloading some tracks from the Asterix movie soundtrack... Nope. My mind was all over the place because I couldn't take my mind off Nicci. She's home now... but I don't know this because she contacted me finally, but because of her sister... she says Nicci is still not ready to come online.

While the fact that she's home finally does put me more at ease than I've been in weeks, I've gone from being worried to being concerned. My selfish part wants to talk to her to fill this gaping hole in my heart, but my more sensible part (the one that usually wins out most of the times) is telling me to wait; to give her the time she needs. Gaaah... in any case, it's not as if I could do a damned thing... if she's not online, it's not as if I can reach out of the phone lines, and with her cell phone off, I can't take that route either... however, I'm too chicken to actually try SMSing her now that I know she's home... the war between selfishness and sensibility goes on and on.

And if I start pondering or trying to justify myself in my attempts to press myself back into her life, I'd be doing the same thing I accuse Erich of: thinking too much.

So I'm in a strange state of sadness or melancholy; I'm glad Nicci is safe now, but I'm concerned about what changes her experience might have brought. And there's again the impotence and powerlessness of not being able to tell her that I'll always be here for her until she resolves things on her own and comes back online.

Still no news... I want Nicci back in my life... am I being too impatient? I felt like this just after she left; I had begun to cope when news of her missing hit me hard, again, I started to cope when news of her return arrived. Now, during the week of her return, the hole she left in my heart is aching. It's only tuesday/wednesday, and it feels like an eternity from monday.

To boot, Jessi is offline in all ways; the cell phone is turned off, so I can't even turn to that avenue of communication to ask for updates, even if they'll only garner a "not yet"... it would be nice and helpful.

Gods...

I'm usually a patient man. I've been told that I have the patience of a saint. But I can't stand the wait; I want to talk to Nicci, I want to make sure she's allright... and I have more selfish reasons: I need her, I can't take this wait calmly... knowing that she could be on the other end of the ICQ line any time, any day this week... I whimper to myself in the darkness and everything on TV, music, web pages... everything somehow reminds me of her...

[dancing Snoopy's Happy Dance]

Starting on January 1st. 2002, you may call me Mr. Game Developer/Staff Writer for Mongoose Publishing.

Now... a single word from Nicci will complete my life ^_^